What The Hell Is A New Normal

Someone asked me once, what is your new normal?  Ha!!  Funny, all I could think of was, I'm married, I have 5 boys that drive me crazy, and a sick husband...that's nothing new.  Then I think back to our B C days...Before Cancer.  Life seemed so much easier back then.  Maybe its because we didn't have our boys in their prime teen years, or maybe its because our income was higher ya know before disability.  Tony and I did everything and went everywhere together.



Then in dawned on me...I didn't feel like a single parent then.  I catch myself now trying to handle everything by myself with the boys.  I don't like Tony to get frustrated because that sure as hell comes easier than it used to.  I've learned to accept that "Mother's Day," is just another day, and my birthday is a celebration that I too made it another year without checking myself into an insane asylum...trust me I've thought about it.  I find myself taking on more now than I ever did before and I have no one to help me.  I try to keep the day to day operations a smooth as possible for the kids without them seeing the stress or the tears, but as the days go by, it gets harder and harder.


When people hear sick or cancer, immediately attention goes to the patient...AS IT SHOULD, but those the family members are often forgot about.  The kids' friends don't understand, single parents don't understand, only other caregivers.  The problem is the other caregivers are so busy caring for their loved ones, who has time to talk.  Oh and when we do talk, we sure as hell aren't talking about us, we are talking about our warriors.  YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.  And please, don't ask how I am doing, because I am tired of crying.  The shampoo got in my eyes, that's why they're red only works so often.


The new normal.  HA, well put one foot in front of the other and do the best you can.  If McDonalds is dinner don't judge me I promise I know how to cook.  If my kids clothes aren't the latest fashion, don't judge them, they may still be in the dirty clothes.  If we are having a bad day, there may not be a  reason and I'm allowed to have them, and if I'm tired, please just let me rest.  The new normal...its now the norm.