My Little Boys Have Feelings Too

I wish my youngest Aydin and Ashton knew their daddy before he was sick.  I wish they knew his laugh, his smile, his jokes.  I wish they knew him when he coached...I mean really coached.  I wish they knew his love and gentleness.  Instead they only know a daddy who is sick.  A man in pain, short tempered.  A man who is scared just as much as them.

Tonight I see 2 small boys (6 and 9) terrified of having their daddy sick forever.  Two boys who wish they knew their daddy before cancer.  Two ANGRY boys that don't think any of this is fair.  Two boys lashing out at the world when they don't get their way...cause lets face it, the small things they don't get.

Tonight at Ashton's ball game, I watched Tony cheer Ashton on and get frustrated when he wouldn't listen to the littlest instruction.  I watched Tony's heart break and pain in his eyes.

I don't talk a lot about what the youngest are going through...but they are hurt.  They are sad, they are angry.  They just want their daddy....is that too much to ask?  So tonight, they will stay up late, currled up in daddy's arms and cry themselves to sleep.