Damn Lymph Nodes

Why is it when things just start to look up God likes to remind you to keep the faith and give you a reality check.  I mean let's face it, life wouldn't be life without ups and downs right?

Well, such is life, Tony had his CT today and of course I have to read the report before we get to Duke.  These stupid phrases kept jumping out at me like, increase in size, and cyst like, then there are fancy words in front of organs like pancreas...all I can do is try to hide my eyes as they filled up with tears.  Then I see it...lymph node increased from 1.1 x .7 cm to 1.3 x .8 cm.  I didn't do math, i didn't convert cm to mm, I just saw increased lymph node and panicked.  All I could think was Chemo again here we come...Tony followed by I don't care if I have to go through treatment all over again, we are fighting.

SO hand in hand we finished our hour drive to Duke.

First stop - Urology...yup so all these meds and treatments lowered Tony's testosterone.  LOL  I of course thought it was fine, but noooo not that kind  HAHAHAA.  Tony will finally find an end to his fatigue.  Poor man, tired all the time, no energy, low T, low B12, nerve meds making him tired...pain when he eats, could it get any worse?

"The doc is going to insert some pellets in your butt cheek, in the mean time here's some gel," the doc says right before she says, "OK let's examine your prostate."

BAHAAHHA  poor Tony.  I tried to rescue him by saying, look I have the radiology report, his prostate is just fine.  Nope, assume the position.  Tony of course in his innocent tone asks, "How do you want me?"  Just the comic relief I needed before we headed over to oncology.  :)

As we leave the doctors hand in hand its off to get the results of his CT.

The doctor walks in and its why are you worried?  I begin to cry and explain the report was bad.  So here's the break down he said.

"Cyst near liver" not really worried.  Its not a mass. - OK check :)
"Pancreas deterioration" - of course, we radiated the heck out of it.  Now the scarring is present on the CT.  He explained it perfectly...just like a tattoo when you first get it vs a few months later its scarred.  - OK check :)
"Lymph Node increased from 1.1 x .7 cm to 1.3 x .8 cm" - are we worried?  Not yet, it could be from the dilation, it could be the lymph node doing its job.  It only grew by a millimeter...its still really small.  So we scan again in 2 months to see.  If its bigger, we Pet scan and go from there.  Until then...lets focus on his pain and B12 :) - OK check :)

Tony has been in pain so long its now chronic and causing him to lose weight.  So they changed his medication, gave him his B12 shot, new scripts and I was smiling.  They increased his tube feed again so he would gain the weight back he lost and said we would all touch base in a week.

It feels good to have a plan, get some answers, and understand what the radiology report means.  Does it scare me?  Hell yea, but am I a nut case?  No...I am powerless over the results, but I can help Tony with the other stuff.

All in all it was a productive day and we got a lot of answers.  They will see us back in a month to check his T levels, B12, and weight...until then, we keep on juicing and praying that the cancer stays gone.

Its Been A Year

February 20, 2012 - "Aydin baby, I'm so sorry, we are going to have to celebrate your birthday another time."
"Why mommy?  No transformers?" 
"I'm so sorry baby, mommy has to take daddy to the doctor so they can make him better, but Aunt Jaime and Uncle Zach will be here, and Ms. Hallie is going to celebrate with you at school with all your friends."
"OK Mommy," Aydin said with a sad, but no tears look on his face.

I of course cried and felt HORRIBLE.  But surgery is scheduled for Friday, Feb 24, 2012, Aydin's 4th birthday...I had no choice.

February 24, 2013 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AYDIN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!  :)  Not only was Tony there to see Aydin on his 5th birthday, but he was FINALLY cancer free!!! :)
A year from hell, but it was all worth it. Anything for Aydin and Tony on THEIR special day :)