I often asked myself, why him? Why us? What did we do? Why can't it attack murderers, and rapist? Truth is...I don't have time to ask questions...only time to act. For cancer is not for the weak, it's for the strong...and the strong will SURVIVE!!!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Longest Hour Of My Life 2-24-12 Day of Surgery

It was 0700, the morning of surgery.  I saw Dr. Pappas walk out of the PACU and gave him a big thumbs up..."It's going to be a good day today!!" I said, and he smiled and said yes it is!

Then I saw our wedding coordinator walking towards me.  I wasn't sure who it was at first and then it hit me.  I couldn't believe it, I wasn't alone anymore.  I gave her the biggest hug and had the hardest cry.  You know those cries where it seems no one is watching you, no one can hear you.  The cry that comes from your belly through chest and out your mouth.  It felt soooo good.  I was blessed.  God sent me another angel to help me.  She took me back to see Tony before he went in.

Another surgeon came back to see us.  Very straight forward, not the best bedside manor, but I didn't care, just save my husbands life.  Him and Dr. Pappas would be working together along with like 50 interns, 100 residences, and 1000 nurses.  LOL

"So I'm sure its been explained to you.  This is some bad stuff you have.  I want to be sure you understand that if it has spread outside the wall of your stomach, we are going to close you up."

"WHAT?!?!?! THAT ISN'T WHAT PAPPAS SAID!!!  He said we were going to fight it nomatter what!!!" I blurted out as I stood up and stomped my foot.

"There is no reason for him to go through such an extensive surgery if it won't help matters." He explained.

"How far into the operation will you know if you are going to continue with the surgery or not?"
"About 30-45 min."
See the plan was to do it laparoscopicly.  They would look throughout his abdomen to see if the cancer had spread to any organs and just overall to understand what they were dealing with.  If his stomach was too hard, next they would try via incision.  More abrasive, but it didn't matter; just get the darn thing out is all I cared out.  KILL THE HOST!!!  LOL Nevertheless, I would know an hour after surgery started if I was going to have the rest of my life with my husband, or just a few short months.

At 0730 they came to take him back.  I kissed him, and told him I loved him.  I smiled, didn't shed a tear and said, "I'll be here when you wake up."

Surgery was going to be around 2-3 hours...but that first hour was key.  I took my little pager Duke gave me for updates and walked out of the PACU.

At 0745 my mother in law showed up with Austin and Anthoney.  My dear friend Terri was there.  She was my shoulder and to help keep the kids and my mother in law occupied while I worried myself sick.  We went to the cafeteria and I couldn't eat.  I couldn't tell the kids or my mother in law what I had just been told.  Some of the families in the waiting room knew my situation...we all become like family, but no sense in worrying my MIL or kids. 
The pager went off at 0810, "They started surgery 10 min ago Mrs. Leonard."
"Thank you." I said.  I looked at the clock, and the 30-45 min window started.  I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't stop praying.  No one knew why.  Terri took the kids and my MIL to the hotel, and I returned to the waiting room. 
At 0900 I still hadn't heard anything.  I went up to the receptionist desk and explained my situation.  The called back to the OR.
"Yes ma'am, I understand, I will let her know, Thank you." the receptionist said.
My heart was pounding, no expression on her face.
She looked up and me and smiled...they are continuing on with surgery!!!  :)
"REALLY REALLY OMG PROMISE?!?!??!....Can I hug you?"  She stepped around her desk, gave me a hug and I cried some more.  She called Thomasina (my wedding coordinator) so I could share the happy news.  All the family in the waiting room was happy and hugging me.  It was wonderful.  I had never been so relieved. My baby was going to make it...we were going to beat this SOB!!

4 1/2 hours later...Dr. Perez comes to the waiting area.  "We got it...we got it all!!!"  Of course we still needed to wait a week on pathology, but as far as surgery went...IT WAS A SUCCESS.  Ok so they had to remove part of his esophagus, so what...they got it all!!!   They even did it laparoscopicly.   You couldn't get me to stop happy crying at this moment.

I told my MIL and Terri and started making phone calls!!!  It was our little ones 4th birthday, and now Daddy would be there for his 5th and many to follow!!! :)

GOD IS GOOD!!!

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