EVERY DAY IS A GIFT

We told the boys...it was gut wrenching, it was hard.  Aydin (10) yells NO NO NO MOMMY NO!!  And runs down the hallway.  Meanwhile Ashton (8) throws himself on Daddy's chest crying, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  The four of us cried, and then I took a deep breath and said, It means no more hospital stays, no more doctors, no more poking, no more surgeries, we can be home as a family!!  The boys stopped crying and said YES!!!  :)  Kids are amazing!!  They remind us that we HAVE to look at the bright side of things.  With a fog there are always blessings.

We received letters from Duke to give to the boys' school so that the school would be patient for any missed days or assignments.  I however, still was going to try and keep things as normal as possible.  After about a week of coming home early from school and having a messy house, it was COME TO JESUS time.  I lined them up and said...Boys...I get it, we got some really crappy news.  But you know what, the sun comes up, the moon will too, and the dishwasher still has to be unloaded and loaded...the trash, still needs to make it to the curb, our lives...STILL go on.  We don't just STOP living and doing what needs to be done.  We are NOT going to just sit around and wait for daddy's end.  The next week Tony went from rocky to stable.  He didn't need his O2 as much, he was getting around more, wanting to go out shopping.  He even bought a new handgun...I mean really, what am I supposed to say, No?

Our family stopped grieving, and started LIVING again.  Tony even made it to Aydin's state Championship game.  Not only did he make it...WE WON!!!  Aydin played one of his best games ever.

This will be a short entry today because I'm spending more time with Tony and my boys.  Tony's hospice agency granted Tony's final wish, to see Aydin play in Florida at Nationals.  TONY IS LIVING...HE WILL NOT LAY DOWN!!!  Just because Hospice is here does NOT mean you die tomorrow, it means you ENJOY LIFE COMFORTABLY.  I wish sometimes we had brought hospice in earlier because Tony is finally not in as much pain as he was.  He can receive medications without fail and question, I have help if need be, we have nurses who are members of our family now.  Oxygen delivered same day, shower chairs, wound care.  Our warrior is NOT giving up yall, he is STILL LIVING.  He is tired, he is weak, but his mind is full and there and loving.  Yes, Tony is losing weight and has issues eating, but that's not what this is about, its making EACH DAY A GIFT.  A TREASURE. A BLESSING.

My Tony is strong with his heart and mind.  I'd rather have that, than anything else!!!

We can't ever thank everyone enough for the love and support that we have received over the past month especially.  Tony said, "I've never felt so loved in all my life."  From the donations from mealtrain, household supplies from the stomach cancer warriors group, Debbies Dream Foundation for their continuous support and understanding, my PARENTS and BFF Nikki for dropping everything to let me cry and be selfish...and for all the newly diagnosed, i'm sorry you are going through this...welcome to the club.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Tony has had 7 AMAZING years and is still holding on.  Don't give up hope, treasure each moment, and when you are tired, its ok to be tired...you are not weak, you are the strongest for admitting so.  I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

OUR JOURNEY ISN'T OVER!!!